The Mister is looking for a tenure track professor job. They don’t make it easy on him.

Here’s his schedule for the latest multi-day interview:

    9:30 – 10:30 a.m.
    10:30 – 11:00 a.m.
    11:00 – 11:30 a.m.
    11:30 – 12:00 p.m.
    12:00 – 1:00 pm
    1:00 – 1:30 p.m.
    1:30 – 2:00 p.m.
    2:00 – 2:30 p.m.
    2:30 – 3:00 p.m.
    3:00 – 3:30 p.m.
    3:30 – 4:30 p.m.
    4:30 – 5:00 p.m.
    5:00 – 6:00 p.m.
    6:00 – 6:30 p.m
    Professor #1
    Professor #2
    Break
    Professor #3
    Lunch: Professors #4 and #5
    Professor #4
    FA Office/ Campus Tour
    Associate Vice Provost
    Professor #6
    Break
    Presentation of Research
    Break
    Dinner: Professors 7 and 8
    Professor #8

Tuesday, December 6, 2005

    8:30 – 9:00 a.m.
    9:00 – 9:30 a.m.
    9:30 – 10:00 a.m.
    10:00 – 10:30 a.m.
    10:30 – 11:00 a.m.
    11:00 – 11:30 a.m.
    11:30 – 12:00 p.m.
    12:00 – 1:00 p.m.
    1:00 – 1:45 p.m.
    1:45 – 2:30 p.m.
    Department Chair
    Department Chair
    Professor #5
    Office
    Break
    Associate Librarian
    Professor #9
    Lunch: Professors #6 and #9
    College Dean
    Department Chair

And this is after five years of grad school, a huge application process, a mini-interview at a conference, a mini-phone interview, and a lot of “networking,” which is the academic version of this:

do you like me

Now imagine doing that for multiple schools. It’s sort of like when you go to visit someone at their office and the door is slightly ajar. You knock, and they say, “come on in!” What you don’t realize at first is that they and all their friends are pressed up against the other side of the door so it won’t budge. They are whispering about you as you try to jam yourself through the tiny crack in the door, shoving against it with your hip and shoulder, sucking in your stomach, and the whole time trying to keep up the friendly banter. “Why yes, I do enjoy the outdoors! And you?”

If you’re reading this, Mister, I’m proud of you. You’re almost through that door. A year from now all the undergrads will have crushes on you, their new young professor with the fascinating research ideas, the staggering intellect, and that way of making even complicated statistics as clear as day.