O.K. I just found a most embarrassing error on the resume I have sent out to, oh, thirty places. For one of my bullet points I “assessessed” things. Cringerific! To make myself feel better I will only do quizzes.

Quiz 1 (courtesy of Karen Joy):

Logo There are:
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Quiz 2 (courtesy of Schuyler, though I did contribute a few questions back in the day)

  1. What is worse: Going to your favorite restaurant, ordering your favorite steak only underneath the steak is a scabby band-aid. Or?finding five ticks embedded in each armpit
  2. Do you like me?I don’t even know you.
  3. What percent of all paper clips that you come in contact with do you unfold?66.6% But you should have asked what percentage of pencils I deliberately break.
  4. What are your five favorite movies? (Legally Blonde does not count)
    The Princess Bride, Room With a View, So I Married an Ax Murderer, Lord of the Rings, Seven Samurai
  5. Have you ever left a pair of underwear in the forest?
  6. If zombies were real, would you be afraid of them?Only if they were in my time zone.
  7. How many Cold Cut Combos could you eat in a day?Six inch or twelve inch? 1 or .5, respectively
  8. How many times have you lost your keys in an article of clothing you are wearing?I have this long black coat that had a hole in the pocket seam. My keys used to drop down inside the lining and bang my shin. So, too numerous to count.
  9. Do you like almonds?That’s pronounced aaammins, and yes.
  10. Does God exist?My sources say yes.
  11. Is there something better than pie?How about a pie inside a cheesecake?
  12. What were/are the economic, social, and political consequences of Marbury vs. Madison?Madison got a major city named after him/her
  13. Age?About what you’d expect
  14. Sex?About what you’d expect
  15. Location?
    Latitude: 33° 30′ North
    Longitude: 112° 05′ West
  16. In your opinion, is there always room for one more?No.
  17. What do you need more of?People actually answering the phone at the Maryland MVA
  18. How do you feel when you are stuck in traffic and a motorcycle drives by between the lanes?Motorcyclists do not affect my emotional health.
  19. Do you want a Cadillac Escalade?No
  20. What are your feelings regarding 25cent hot dog night?I wish that existed.
  21. How often do you take public transportation?Once a month
  22. When you were 16 did you find Monty Python hilarious? Do you find them hilarious now?
    Yes. Yes, especially the skit where they smack each other with fish. But Steven Wright is the funniest comedian of all. “I sometimes wish that when I was a baby, my first word was ‘quote.’ That way when I’m about to die, I could say ‘unquote.’” (I may be misremembering the exact words, but the idea is there).
  23. Which is scarier: 1) As you are being put under anesthesia for a big, hairy operation, you find out that Mo, Larry, and Curly are assisting -or- 2) You are locked in a room and are forced to watch an endless loop of the same episode of Gilligan’s IslandI don’t want to answer
  24. What is the biggest risk you are facing at this very moment?That I will waste too much time on this quiz and get to my job interview late.
  25. Can you ever have too much money?Only if you keep all of it for yourself.
  26. Black and Blue or Black and Tan?I’m partial to a celadon and glossy white palette at the moment.
  27. Have you ever kissed a boy on the lips?
  28. Have you ever kissed a girl on the lips?Yes
  29. If they made the movie of your life, what would the title of the movie be?The Shaggy D.A.
  30. How many camels fit on the head of a pin?
    I need more data
  31. Who do you like better … Ben or Jerry?
    Whoever gives me the most free stuff
  32. How many chapters will your book have?It will have thematic sections, not chapters.
  33. What is your favorite color?I like that red color like the inside of people’s mouths, but only in small doses.
  34. What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?There’s no such thing. Swallows must carry the burdens of their upbringing, like every other bird.
  35. How long do you have to drive continually before you start going insane?I start talking to myself after about four minutes, does that count?
  36. Boxers or Briefs?
    Depends on the pants.
  37. What is the most important meal of the day?
    The one that includes the most guacamole
  38. Are you a Toys (backwards)R Us Kid?No, I’m not even allowed to go in there.
  39. snow skiing: a great sport, or the greatest sport?
    I’ll just put you down for “a great sport.”
  40. can you lick your elbow?No.
  41. did you just try to lick your elbow or did you already know that it is physically impossible to do that?What’s wrong with verifying something you suspect to be true?
  42. Will you be in my punk band?OK, but I can’t sing and clap at the same time.
  43. Even if my punk band is named POLE-DANCING HEMATOMA?I want the band to be called The Saltines.
  44. Is Crisco OK?How do they get it so white? that would affect my answer.
  45. How many times per minute must you remind yourself, “I am not my job”?
  46. Is M. Night Shmalayan lame?He tries pretty hard.
  47. Were you hugged enough?yes.
  48. Are you hugged enough?yes.
  50. Why don’t you own a gas mask? Seriously.I don’t even own duct tape.
  51. The Unitatis Redintegratio document of the Catholic Church’s Second Vatican Council is desperately important because…Now people can see the embroidery on the front of the priest’s garb?
  52. Eminem or not?not.
  53. If you’re a white person, and you don’t listen to much hip-hop, and yet you like the Beastie Boys, what is wrong with you? Don’t you realize that the Beastie Boys ARE ELVIS?
    I don’t listen to the Beastie Boys.
  54. Are you trying to perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect? If not, whatever else could you possibly be doing with your life that is so important it could keep you from trying to be perfect as your Father is perfect?Yes.
  55. How many minutes “ahead” or “behind” is your watch set for?No Watch.
  56. Where have you been?
    I’ve stumbled on the sides of twelve misty mountains, I’ve walked and I’ve crawled on six crooked highways, etc.
  57. Name?O’Rangelo and LeMongelo have a nice ring to them.
  58. How far away from your home town do you live and how far away would you like to live?I don’t really have a hometown anymore.
  59. In your opinion, is expensive champagne really better than cheap champagne?Not enough experience in champagne to say.
  60. How sad would you be if you ran over a cat?Depends if it got hurt. If I could check my stride mid-step and sort of leap over it, then not sad at all. I’d be proud of my quick reflexes and coordination.
  61. If you were a parasite, would you rather spend your gestational stage in the innards of a cow or the innards of a caterpillar?Caterpillar. The caterpillar would treat me better.
  62. How high does your volume knob go?I only have an on/off switch.
  63. Totally rad, totally rockin, or totally sick?totally rockin.
  64. What do you know about the Hood of death from Psalm 23?not sure, even though I wrote this question.
  65. Have you ever followed an exercise regimen to strengthen your core? (include responses to all five W’s in your answer)yes, it was painful and I quit after six weeks.
  66. If the only kinds of candy left on the planet were m and ms (original), reeses pieces, and skittles, which variety would be most likely to survive the ensuing struggle for survival?Skittles have the most structural integrity.
  67. Top three power ballads?Bon Jovi– I’ll be There for You; Every Rose Has It’s Thorn; Queen– Somebody to Love I have to go to my job interview now.
  68. Explain the statement “God is good.” Support your position.

High-quality, with some kindess thrown in.

69.  You must be world champion at something. What is it?

I know how to take a really good nap.  I’m a great napper. 

70.  What is the first pop, rock, or rap song you choreographed dance moves to? What was your signature move?

One I remember is The Pointer Sisters “Jump (For My Love)”, in which I perfected a jump-then-collapse-then-jump-again move.

71. If you’re in a relationship, and you and your significant other could redistribute your combined existing weight between the two of you (the girl could give 10 pounds to the guy, or vice versa, of any amount), what do you mutually decide to do?

Oh dear! I guess I’d take a little of his, if I could pick where I put it. 

  1. House, or Gray’s Anatomy?

Dont’ watch either

  1. Antz, or A Bug’s Life?

Whichever one has Woody Allen

  1. Paris Hilton, or Nicole Richie?

Don’t watch either

  1. Toward, or towards?

Toward. “S” gets more than its fair share of appearances in words  (see my resume error, above).

  1. Loving and losing, or never loving at all?

loving and losing

  1. Coffee, or tea?


  1. Or me?

Are you a hot beverage?  If you are caffeine free, non-acidic, low in sugar, and highly flavorful, you might have a chance.

  1. Why do people ever waste money on weddings?

Let me help you, your bias is showing.