It would get tricky at order counters if everyone could throw their voices like ventriloquists. Okay, who really ordered the latte? In team meetings and conferences some people would criticize like crazy and then deny it was them. I think that strategy blows chunks! Then there would be the pranksters who would pretend to have fallen down wells or on the subway tracks. Please! Though you can’t see me, I need your help! We’d have to add extra people to the police force. Or maybe not, if the police could pretend to surround badguys with fewer officers. Put your hands in the air, there’s nowhere left to run!

My first week of college, I was walking back to my dorm one night when a tree spoke to me. True story. It asked me where I was going, and if I wanted to party. Not a very stunning conversationalist, that tree. Then I noticed its proximity to a fraternity house, and the walkie-talkie taped in a crook of its branches.

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