The Weasely Twins join the Death Eaters, Snape abandons wizardry to open a goth-inflected haberdashery shop for Muggles, and, in keeping with the twins theme, it turns out that Harry and Voldemort were originally conjoined at the forehead but magically separated after the birth and raised apart, their brotherhood kept secret until the final climactic scene in which their mother returns to make them shake hands and say three nice things. Flowers bloom as expected in the spring.

Just kidding.  I have no idea what happens in the new book. But the general H. P. hoopla is getting to be a bit much, is it not?