Fri 30 Jan 2009
A Woman’s Guide to Popularity with other Women
Posted by Erin under Daily Life
[10] Comments
Step 1: Get pregnant.
Step 2: Tell others.
That’s it. You don’t have to be kind, or a good listener, or have interesting thoughts and experiences, or be funny, or pull your weight in the relationship. In fact, by following this 2-step plan I’ve discovered that I can talk about myself and my various bodily functions at length, barely stopping to take a breath, and not only will I not lose my audience, I will get follow-up questions. And gifts! And offers of various kinds of durable goods and household help! I’ve never been this popular in my life. (In fact, I have been known to announce to others, in certain situations, that “it’s not a popularity contest,” the famous fall-back line of the less popular.)
I am most popular with women who have already been pregnant, and at my age and station, that happens to be most of the women that I know. So maybe this 2-step plan works best for women a little beyond their prime procreating years. As one friend said, it’s sort of like joining a sorority. Not that I’d know for sure, having never actually joined one.
Typical conversation:
ME: I heard about your amazing achievement/stunning loss/annoying problem. Tell me more!
WOMAN FRIEND: Oh, that’s not interesting. Let’s hear about YOU. How tight are the waistbands of your pants? I want ALL the details!
So thanks, y’all for welcoming me to the Sisterhood of Babymakers.
You’re so on the money! I do wish I was closer, so that I could play the role of the “Woman Friend” more fully
So true! However, once you have the baby and he/she decides to stage a tantrum in public, you will find some of that public goodwill to vanish immediately! On the other hand, those who who have their own children (esp. those just a little bit older than yours) will be generally amused that you are now suffering too, just as they do. But in general, some of the same people who will hold the door for a pregnant lady will be the first to shake their heads in disapproval later at the child’s antics. This happened to me just a few months ago, when Sophia had a total meltdown in Rite-Aid. I was trying to pick out the cheapest possible pregnancy test at the time. In the end, I left empty-handed, partly because I got so flustered I couldn’t tell the ovulation predictors from the prego tests, and partly because the image of me dragging my red-faced screaming child to the checkstand with pregnancy test in hand just seemed too pathetic!
I want to go on record as having liked you when it was just you and your personality and nobody else.
What Tara said.
Julie– I wish you were closer, too! I’d like to hear more about the big move and motherhood also to tousle Sinjin’s amazing hair.
Lydia– ah, yes. Your pregnancy test story cracks me up! Right now I find it funny when toddlers misbehave. Then I watch that 15-second array of expressions going across their mothers’ faces– is this a battle I want to fight right now? How much of a scene can the crowds endure? Do I actually have the energy? — and think, my day is coming.
Tara and Sarah– Thanks for going on record, my stalwart friends.
I liked you, too.
(Not that I’m soliciting your thanks…)
I think that pregnancy provides one very significant topic of conversation for those with whom you may have previously not had much in common. KWIM?
Just wait until you start showing, and EVERYONE gives their advice. Everyone. The lady cutting your deli lunchmeat, the cashier at Chipotle, assorted strangers and vague acquaintances who now feel strongly that they must give you *now* their best pregnancy/birthing/mothering advice and/or scary birth stories.
But, remember those women who can never conceive…they need the sisterhood of women too. May we all be as kind, concerned, and welcoming to all women, whether they have been gifted to conceive, or not. Some of them are very lonely. I talk to some of these precious girls weekly.
I’ve talked to them in the professional world – one actually told me she left the church because she could not, try as she might, breach the gap between the mothers and herself. They never reached out to her. There is a sisterhood of female – babies or no, yes?
kathy,
I am MOST sympathetic to the sentiment, and wish for more inclusivity generally, but I’m not sure there is a sisterhood of women. Women these days have such a diversity of choices, opportunities, and circumstances that pregnancy/childbirth is one of the few remaining life experiences that is analogous for most (though clearly not ALL) women. An inclusive sisterhood based on shared experience is out. And if you base it on some idea of true womanhood, that too is going to rule out many people. No matter who makes the checklist of womanly characteristics, many of us won’t be able to match ourselves to it. The motivation for inclusion probably has to come from some other source.
I will enjoy my few months in the spotlight knowing that this, too, shall pass. Soon I will be back to being noticed only by the people who have a real investment/interest in me, or whom I see often. That is ok with me.
Oh, no — I’m just now doing the math. You must be due in mid- or late summer? In Phoenix! Aughhhh!
(what is the magic date prediction?)
Oh – by all means – enjoy this experience! My post was not about enjoying pregnancy – at all. My point is just that my hope and desire is that in the church, at least, women will reach out to women because we share Jesus, and not leave out those who, for whatever reasons, do not have children.