I teach at two different community colleges. The first is a school that specializes in preparing people for careers– nurses, HVAC techs, machinists, etc. Most of the students are older than a typical college student, and many are already working and have families. The second is a school that specializes in general education so that people can transfer to a university. Those students tend to be predominantly just-out-of-high-school. Many still live with their parents and go to school full time.

I like both institutions (and their students), but I only fear for my fenders at the second one. It has a much larger student body and as a whole, the younguns are terrible drivers. In addition to the constant near misses I witness in the parking lot and the intersections closest to the school, a surprising number of my students end up missing class due to car accidents or court appearances related to traffic violations. Some of them are probably lying, but still. I’d estimate the traffic accident/violation rate in my classes at around 10%. I feel like doing a unit in the critical thinking portion of the class on Consequences of Gunning the Engine at Every Opportunity.

Well, I’m sitting here listening to the new U2 (competent as expected but on the boring side so far. I like “I’ll go Crazy” pretty well.) and wondering what happened to my blog header. To fix or change it I have to find a new one, download it to my PC, FTP it to my server, and then import it. I don’t feel like doing that. So, we will be header-free for awhile.

Also thinking about pregnancy, as I am about to hit the halfway mark. I was never one of those women who desired pregnancy per se; I was happily not pregnant for most of my adult life (despite wanting kids), and even now I view it more as a means to an end than as a must-have experience. Intellectually, I understand the point of view of women who cherish the almost miraculous ability to help a child to grow inside their bodies. It is pretty cool that we can do that. Emotionally, though, I don’t feel it. If I could tag-team with Dr. G on the project I probably would. The highlights of pregnancy so far have all been ultrasounds, when I can see little Toots (our nickname for her) move around. What with her high-risk start to life, followed by my emergency appendectomy surgery, and then the usual gender and anatomy checks, I’ve gotten more than the usual share of glimpses into the womb and those make me feel more connected to her than any number of pains and discomforts. Every significant change in my body requires a week or two of getting used to, including experiencing the first flutters of Toots moving around. I’m now at the point where I like them because I get a sense of what she is up to, but originally they were disconcerting. They were so clearly unconnected to any intentions or movements of my own body. Invaders! was my initial, illogical feeling on the matter, despite the fact that I had done everything in my power to get and keep little Toots in there. Having to continually adjust is probably good practice, given that she will continue to constantly change things after she is in the free air.

The advent of the flutters, combined with my pants finally just not zipping, combined with continued barfing, got me speculating on other less invasive ways of reproducing. What if we could just lay eggs? But then we’d have to sit on them for who knows how long, which would be far more incapacitating (though at least that way both parents can share the burden). Dr. G pointed out that we could just buy an incubator. I imagined all the factions that would form around pro- and anti- incubator stances. The antis would form groups and publish screeds against artificial incubation and list reams of facts for why it is better to sit on them yourself. The rich women who were feeling guilty about not wanting to sit on their own eggs would hire 3rd world women to sit on them so the eggs would still get the personal touch. And just think of the battles over hatching! What if your hired egg sitter was the one present when they first hatched, rather than the mother? Or if they started to hatch while you were at work? The incubators would have to come with little hatch alarm systems.

Popular plotline:

Lovely teenage girl moves to small town. While ordinary teenage boys vie for her attention, she only has eyes for a gorgeous, brooding loner, who is set on avoiding her. Finally the brooding loner confesses his attraction but declares that romance is impossible, as they are too different. Relationship progresses anyway. Lovely teenage girl discovers that her boyfriend is -GASP!- a vampire! But a good, REFORMED vampire, who does not eat people. However, he sometimes confuses his desire to kiss her with his desire to suck her dry, a problem he overcomes with tremendous self-control and a good supply of animal blood.

Does this describe:

a) Stephanie Meyer’s novel Twilight, 2005
b) Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 1, 1997
c) both

I don’t normally follow vampire-type stuff so I don’t know if this is just a common theme in the lit, or if there’s some borrowing going on. Granted the two girl characters are completely different, as are the romantic relationships. The Twilight relationship, though billed as a wonderful chaste romance, actually strikes me as fairly creepy and obsessive.

This plot similarity came to my attention a couple weeks ago. I was reading some review of something or other that, once again, referenced Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a TV show from 12 years ago. They are still mentioning this show? I thought to myself. Maybe I should check it out. It seemed like it might be my kind of thing, given the superheroes, the battles between good and evil, the scripture references, and so on. Turns out hulu.com has seasons 1 and 2 available and I’ve been working my way through. It looks like later seasons might get a little too soap opera for my taste, but the early episodes are quite enjoyable. Most of them take some ordinary aspect of poor teenage decision-making and ramp it up into cosmic doom narrowly averted, a format which I find funny. In one, this girl meets her soulmate in an online chatroom. Her friends all caution her that this guy may not be a sensitive 18-year-old from the next town over; what does she REALLY know about him? She brushes off their warnings. When they meet, it turns out that he is an ancient mind-control demon embodied in a 12-foot robot, out to take over the world. OH NO! EVIL ROBOT! Buffy saves her at the last second. There are also the love triangles, parental and authority figure issues, and friendship quandaries that are de rigeur for teen-focused television (hence the vampire romance between Buffy and Angel). I’m partway through season 2, where the menace level and the complexity of evil both seem to ramp up a bit from snakes, robots, and praying mantises. Still works, though.

The other thing I really like about the show is Buffy herself. She is surprisingly non-angst-ridden for a) a superhero and b) a teenage girl. Sure, she occasionally rebels against the save-the-world duties thrust upon her by fate, but overall she thinks it is pretty cool that she can single-handedly beat up and kill any evil creature that looms up in front of her. She is self-confident, loyal to her friends, nice to everyone else, and an advocate of mercy and compassion wherever possible. She is also VERY cute. Lest we find her too perfect, she does occasionally get moody, sarcastic, and distant. She frustrates her mother to no end. Usually she is out rescuing all of her friends and family from imminent destruction, but once in awhile they get to rescue her. Good times.

Phoenix is hard-hit by the recession. One of the best barometers of how things are going economically has been the prayer request email that gets sent out as needed from the church office. Our church is pretty solidly middle class– lots of teachers, nurses, mechanics, construction workers, police officers, handymen, and small business owners. People call in with their requests and depending on the urgency, they get broadcast to the church body in batches. What is happening in the church is what is happening in the city.

Last year this time, or a little earlier, many of the requests were for people trying to sell houses– they were losing money, potential buyers couldn’t get loans, things were sitting for months. Next it was the health problems. Some of it was run-of-the mill requests for illnesses and accidents, but several were related to problems with insurance and covering medical costs. Next it was small business owners whose capital and access to small business loans had dried up.

I haven’t seen a lot of church emails about layoffs and paycuts yet, but many of the people I know, here and in California, are facing imminent change. As employees of the public higher ed systems, both Dr. G. and I have our work emails flooded with budget-related memos, dire warnings, and drastic measures, some of which affect us.

In the past 8 months or so, I have only bought clothing from going-out of business sales. Those directional sign-holders now line the streets to advertise close-outs and liquidations in most parts of town. A few months ago, I counted six of them in a quarter-mile section of a major shopping area.

The constant building of gated communities and subdivisions, which was a main source of Phoenix wealth that fed off the constant growth, seems to have mostly stopped. Zillow alerts me monthly to the number of foreclosures in my immediate neighborhood. A friend’s daughter just bought a 2-yr-old foreclosed upon house for $90 k; it would have gone for over $200k in the past. I know a handful of people who have gone through foreclosure or had to destroy their credit and short-sell their houses.

The dominoes are still falling. And yet, among my friends and family, I do not find the grimness of mood that I might have expected. Some things are hard; but many other parts of life are good and full of hope. Things may, and probably will, get worse; but there is a feeling in the air of surely being able to face them when they come. My church is especially family-like, with an ethos of all pitching in when one has need, so maybe some of it is unique to that group. But I also think the optimism is particularly American, and a quality I have sorely missed when I spend lengths of time in other countries. Even though our optimism becomes annoyingly blithe and simplistic far too often, it is still, overall, good.

This month’s division of personal energy while awake, by task:

Work-related activities: 30%
Holding very, very still: 20%
Maintaining positive attitude: 30%
Church/volunteer activities: 10%
Investing in friends and family: 5%
Doing household chores: 2%
Miscellaneous: 3%

Step 1: Get pregnant.

Step 2: Tell others.

That’s it. You don’t have to be kind, or a good listener, or have interesting thoughts and experiences, or be funny, or pull your weight in the relationship. In fact, by following this 2-step plan I’ve discovered that I can talk about myself and my various bodily functions at length, barely stopping to take a breath, and not only will I not lose my audience, I will get follow-up questions. And gifts! And offers of various kinds of durable goods and household help! I’ve never been this popular in my life. (In fact, I have been known to announce to others, in certain situations, that “it’s not a popularity contest,” the famous fall-back line of the less popular.)

I am most popular with women who have already been pregnant, and at my age and station, that happens to be most of the women that I know. So maybe this 2-step plan works best for women a little beyond their prime procreating years. As one friend said, it’s sort of like joining a sorority. Not that I’d know for sure, having never actually joined one.

Typical conversation:

ME: I heard about your amazing achievement/stunning loss/annoying problem. Tell me more!

WOMAN FRIEND: Oh, that’s not interesting. Let’s hear about YOU. How tight are the waistbands of your pants? I want ALL the details!

So thanks, y’all for welcoming me to the Sisterhood of Babymakers.

Public settings where I have loudly thrown up or retched in the past few months, startling strangers:

1. Doctor’s office #1
2. Acupuncturist’s
3. Target
4. Church
5. Hospital waiting room
6. Doctor’s office #2
7. Chipotle parking lot

For all of these, I have actually made it to a bathroom stall to do the deed, for which I am grateful. Also grateful that none of these have happened yet at school. Pregnancy is full of lessons in humility, especially since I don’t look pregnant yet. To the Phoenix public, I’m just a random, high-volume retcher. I don’t know if a tendency to severe morning sickness is heritable, but my mom experienced such extreme nausea with me, for so many months, that she once apologized for her abundance of negative thoughts while I was in the womb.

The most embarrassing one was the acupuncturist, who specializes in high-risk pregnancy. I went to him once a week back in november and december, and there were always two or three other women there at the same time. After I came out of the bathroom he kindly patted my hand and told me not to worry– he had personally reassured all the other patients that nothing horrible was happening to me; it was just morning sickness. “They were encouraged,” he added. I guess the soothing music he plays in each room wasn’t sufficient to drown me out.

Bookmark www.unsplendid.com to get your fix of interesting poetry that is not afraid of meter and rhyme. Inspirations for this issue’s fare include going deaf, Calvin and Hobbes, minerals, traveling to India, and things going wrong.

What is government for? One (probably) positive outcome of the dragged-out-to-the-point-of-utter-numbness political campaigning is that it has caused me to stop and think through (a bit) what I actually believe the role of government to be. I have gut reactions to certain issues and I can think through my arguments on those issues, but I’ve not carefully considered the underlying political beliefs before. An interesting article on the morals of politics also contributed to this line of thought. So here’s a tentative sketch.

1. The primary purpose of democratic/republic government is to protect the freedom of its people to live their lives unmolested: that includes citizens and residents without the rights of full citizenship, such as children, legal immigrants, and those who are incapacitated by law or circumstance (prisoners, the mentally ill).

This means governmental provisions to protect us from external threats. (Not necessarily a standing army– diplomacy, drafts, readiness to stand firm when necessary.)

It also means protection within, when acting on our own freedoms causes harm or unnecessarily restricts the freedom of others. So basic policing and a criminal justice system are necessary, as are laws forbidding property crimes, violence, fraud, and some environmental damage. No consequence of lawbreaking should permanently rescind the right to life, or the right to vote.

Freedom and justice, the two biggies.

2. The government is the best vehicle for collective action by the people of the nation. When a majority of people or their elected representatives decide that we value something and want to undertake a project to express that value, the govt. and taxation is the way to go. For example, we value having a reliable network of highways. A perfect project for the government to build and maintain. Other examples– funding for medical research, aid money and intervention in poor countries in Africa. The caveat to this function of government is that it should not enact any projects or plans that conflict with role #1. Thus the Japanese-American internment camps of WWII were wrong, because they caused harm and restricted the freedom of people the govt was supposed to protect, even though a many leaders (including the president) were in favor of it. The government should not neglect its duty to protect the freedom of anyone, regardless of how risky one appears to the general population, unless that person has broken the law.

There is great value in having the government (local, state, federal) initiate these types of projects at the behest of the people. Why? Because no institution is better positioned to justly administer the programs and funding for an entire community, state, or nation. I believe that every child in this country should get enough to eat, and I am willing to pitch in to make that happen. Could I personally make sure that each child gets a lunch? No. Could my church? No. How about the Gates Foundation? Most likely not. But because of the government, every single poor child in public school is guaranteed at least one balanced meal a day.

Things the government should not do:

1. Protect people from themselves. This means that most “victimless” crimes should be decriminalized, including drug use. However, they should probably be regulated, to better protect the rest of citizens from their ill effects. Laws protecting us from ourselves should only be enacted when the cost to society for someone’s idiocy becomes too high to bear, and that step should be taken carefully at best.

2. Change or enforce cultural values against the will of the majority. I don’t really know why the government is in the business of officially recognizing marriages and divorces. Why should it care? Births, deaths, and parentage/guardianship, yes. The rest, not so much. If the country is tending more and more toward reckless spending and greed, so be it. If the movies and music are getting trashier and trashier, oh well. These are issues for families, churches, and other grass-roots organizations (if these groups are doing what they ought, they should be able to build a majority, right?). The exception to this rule is when cultural values are infringing on the safety and freedom of some people in the country; such a situation resulted in the Civil Rights Act.

A few corollary thoughts:

1. It’s a Republic. So the role of our elected leaders is not exactly to enact the will of the people. It is to keep track of what the people care about, and do the research and hard work and rigorous thinking and careful compromising that the people don’t have time or inclination to do, and propose action accordingly. Let’s say I think the financial bailout idea stinks (I do) and I call my representative and tell him so (I didn’t, too lazy). His job is not to vote against it. Why not? Because I don’t know enough about how the economy works to say what the right course of action is. His job is to find out how the economy works, thoroughly investigate the proposed action as well as other alternatives, weigh their various costs, risks, and impacts, figure out what will best allow me to to keep living my free unmolested life, and vote for that, and then let me know what he did and how he took my concerns into account. Evidence-based decision-making, dudes! No knee-jerk reactions, deciding from the gut, or mindlessly parroting the electorate.

2. No religion promoted by the government. Elected officials who are religious can be open about how their religion affects their decision making. But no laws, policies, or projects should ever be enacted whose only basis is religious, or whose intended outcomes are primarily religious. Not even if I personally agree with the religious goals or motivations. Why? Because I don’t want anyone telling me I have to wear a headscarf in public or pray in tongues at the baseball game. And I don’t want anyone telling Jews, Buddhists, and Atheists that their children only qualify for the school lunch program if they pray to Jesus before meals. I love Jesus and wish more people did, but faith is an invitation and not a precondition for the benefits of citizenship.

About a month ago, I made a sudden decision to leave my fairly interesting, fairly well-paying, office job in order to return to teaching and writing. I had to move fast because the semester was about to start– I put in my notice, sent around my resume, and within two weeks had a full teaching load lined up for fall, and a slow, part-time phase out in place at my old job. I’d been planning to stick with the gig at least until the end of the spring semester– it wasn’t a perfect fit (gray cubicle, lots of meetings), but there was no strong impetus to look for something new. But you know, sometimes when you pray about things like work, answers come. With encouragement from Dr. G, I took the spiritual hint and shifted gears.

I knew for sure it was the right decision about a week ago– sitting in that gray cubicle feeling grouchy, exhausted, and headachy, with a persistent tickle in my throat. I had to go teach in a few hours and I decided I’d better do the whole class sitting down (usually I’m a roamer), with a throat lozenge. But within 10 minutes of setting foot in the classroom, my energy returned and my niggling aches and pains disappeared. I was happy to be there. It felt just right.

Being a college teacher sounds prestigious, and it is fun to be a part of the learning process with my students and focus my energy on what I know best. But actually, for most people, college teaching is tiring, low-paid work. That’s because the majority of college teachers are like me: “part timers” called adjuncts. In the community college system here, there is a policy of hiring up to 3 adjuncts for every two full-time faculty members. Adjuncts live class to class, semester to semester. No job security, no benefits, no vacation or sick time. An adjunct in my local community college system who taught 12 3-credit courses in a year (four per semester and four in the summer– the rules limit us to 3 per semester but sometimes there are exceptions) would make less than $29,000. An English composition adjunct would grade about 1200 essays during that year, and spend about 576 hours in class, not including planning time, reading time, helping students outside of class, and grading smaller homework assignments. It’s mentally and emotionally challenging work, though many of the adjuncts who do it love the work and being in an educational setting. They are dedicated.

Universities are also staffed more and more with part-time teachers and graduate student teachers and teaching assistants, rather than full-time faculty. Full-timers have more responsibilities than part-timers– they are expected to actively add to the knowledge in their field through research and writing, review and evaluate the work of others in their field, sit on planning committees that decide the direction of their department and their discipline, and, in many cases, bring money into the institution by winning grants. They also advise and mentor upper-level students. People are often surprised to hear that Dr. G teaches just a few courses each semester– that’s because he’s doing all those other things. He works year-round, even though he doesn’t teach a single class during the summer months.

There is definitely a place in higher education for part-time and student teachers. Adjunct teaching is good for both professionals and schools, because working people active in their field can come in and teach a class in the evening, pass on what they know, and earn a few extra bucks. They bring new perspectives and authenticity into the institution, which might otherwise become stuffy and insulated. And I believe that every graduate student should take a course in pedagogy and teach a class or two under the close mentorship of an experienced professor, as part of their training for a career in higher ed.

The problem is that those grad students are often not fully prepared to teach or closely supported while they do. And, as for the alleged “part timers”– too many of us are not part time. We cobble together a schedule of a few classes at this institution, a few more at that one, until our schedules are completely full. The schools save tons and tons of money operating this way. Even if a department has to go through the hassle of hiring 10 adjuncts to each teach three classes each every semester, it would rather do that than create five full-time positions and pay three times as much. At the community college (though perhaps this does not hold true at four-year schools or private schools), this hiring model may help keep tuition costs down.

The reason this strategy works is that there are so many people like me: qualified educators who have graduate degrees and are willing to make financial sacrifices to stay in a college setting doing what they love. There is no incentive to offer people $50,000 to do what they will just as eagerly do for $20,000.

But this is not just about educators– it’s about students. How are students best served? In most cases, adjuncts do not have an on-campus presence outside a mailbox and an email address, and are therefore not very accessible to students outside of class. They are generally not well connected to what is happening at the college and can’t alert their students to new opportunities and resources as well as a full-timer could. There may be professional development opportunities available that would help improve their teaching or expertise in their field, but chances are they are too busy making ends meet to attend. When those full-timer faculty committees are meeting to set the direction of the department, adjunct voices are likely not included. And, unless they take particular initiative to seek out their fellow part-timers, most adjuncts are unlikely to interact with other teachers and exchange ideas. Even the most effective and accomplished adjunct is less equipped to serve his or her students than a full-timer with the full campus community and network of resources behind her.

So, I’m gladly diving back in to a field I love, but I feel a bit like I am contributing to the problem. And yet, I want to do this work. I have to start somewhere and see what doors open along the way. I just wonder if there is any way I can contribute to improving the system in the meantime.

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